Bob Rivers - A Letter To Santa
Dear Santa Claus,
It has been brought to my attention by one of our operatives that you have secured for yourself, and your interests, a very lucrative position in the toy and game industry. Normally, my associates and I would not involve ourselves in child-exploitation schemes such as yours. However, it is quite clear to us that you have over-stepped your bounds and are coming into my family’s territories. That I cannot let you do.
Mr. Claus, we’ve known each other for many years, and we have no problem with your operations in the North Pole. But, uh, Consigliere tells me that you have expanded your deliveries to the entire south side, most of the north side, and everywhere but the Jewish neighborhoods.
I understand, Mr. Kringle, that you and I share many interests. We both make lists. We both know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. Have I mentioned, that, uh, red is also my favorite color? This year when you make your rounds, I hope you’ll take time stop by the house for a cup of coffee and some cookies, so that, uh, we can discuss an offer I know you can’t refuse. I know how much you like cookies. I am sure you will do this thing I ask out of respect, but I would be remiss if I did not remind you of the tragic demise of our mutual friend and confidant, Frosty T. Snowman. I regret that it was necessary to teach Frosty a lesson.
Sincerely, and with warmest wishes for you and the lovely Mrs. Claus,
Don
P.S.
It would be most unfortunate for you to wake up one morning to find the heads of eight tiny reindeers in bed with you. I am sure you are a reasonable man, and this will not be necessary
It has been brought to my attention by one of our operatives that you have secured for yourself, and your interests, a very lucrative position in the toy and game industry. Normally, my associates and I would not involve ourselves in child-exploitation schemes such as yours. However, it is quite clear to us that you have over-stepped your bounds and are coming into my family’s territories. That I cannot let you do.
Mr. Claus, we’ve known each other for many years, and we have no problem with your operations in the North Pole. But, uh, Consigliere tells me that you have expanded your deliveries to the entire south side, most of the north side, and everywhere but the Jewish neighborhoods.
I understand, Mr. Kringle, that you and I share many interests. We both make lists. We both know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. Have I mentioned, that, uh, red is also my favorite color? This year when you make your rounds, I hope you’ll take time stop by the house for a cup of coffee and some cookies, so that, uh, we can discuss an offer I know you can’t refuse. I know how much you like cookies. I am sure you will do this thing I ask out of respect, but I would be remiss if I did not remind you of the tragic demise of our mutual friend and confidant, Frosty T. Snowman. I regret that it was necessary to teach Frosty a lesson.
Sincerely, and with warmest wishes for you and the lovely Mrs. Claus,
Don
P.S.
It would be most unfortunate for you to wake up one morning to find the heads of eight tiny reindeers in bed with you. I am sure you are a reasonable man, and this will not be necessary
Dear Santa Claus,
It has been brought to my attention by one of our operatives that you have secured for yourself, and your interests, a very lucrative position in the toy and game industry. Normally, my associates and I would not involve ourselves in child-exploitation schemes such as yours. However, it is quite clear to us that you have over-stepped your bounds and are coming into my family’s territories. That I cannot let you do.
Mr. Claus, we’ve known each other for many years, and we have no problem with your operations in the North Pole. But, uh, Consigliere tells me that you have expanded your deliveries to the entire south side, most of the north side, and everywhere but the Jewish neighborhoods.
I understand, Mr. Kringle, that you and I share many interests. We both make lists. We both know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. Have I mentioned, that, uh, red is also my favorite color? This year when you make your rounds, I hope you’ll take time stop by the house for a cup of coffee and some cookies, so that, uh, we can discuss an offer I know you can’t refuse. I know how much you like cookies. I am sure you will do this thing I ask out of respect, but I would be remiss if I did not remind you of the tragic demise of our mutual friend and confidant, Frosty T. Snowman. I regret that it was necessary to teach Frosty a lesson.
Sincerely, and with warmest wishes for you and the lovely Mrs. Claus,
Don
P.S.
It would be most unfortunate for you to wake up one morning to find the heads of eight tiny reindeers in bed with you. I am sure you are a reasonable man, and this will not be necessary
It has been brought to my attention by one of our operatives that you have secured for yourself, and your interests, a very lucrative position in the toy and game industry. Normally, my associates and I would not involve ourselves in child-exploitation schemes such as yours. However, it is quite clear to us that you have over-stepped your bounds and are coming into my family’s territories. That I cannot let you do.
Mr. Claus, we’ve known each other for many years, and we have no problem with your operations in the North Pole. But, uh, Consigliere tells me that you have expanded your deliveries to the entire south side, most of the north side, and everywhere but the Jewish neighborhoods.
I understand, Mr. Kringle, that you and I share many interests. We both make lists. We both know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. Have I mentioned, that, uh, red is also my favorite color? This year when you make your rounds, I hope you’ll take time stop by the house for a cup of coffee and some cookies, so that, uh, we can discuss an offer I know you can’t refuse. I know how much you like cookies. I am sure you will do this thing I ask out of respect, but I would be remiss if I did not remind you of the tragic demise of our mutual friend and confidant, Frosty T. Snowman. I regret that it was necessary to teach Frosty a lesson.
Sincerely, and with warmest wishes for you and the lovely Mrs. Claus,
Don
P.S.
It would be most unfortunate for you to wake up one morning to find the heads of eight tiny reindeers in bed with you. I am sure you are a reasonable man, and this will not be necessary
Bob Rivers Search: Bob Rivers
- Manger 6 Bob Rivers
- Pokemon Bob Rivers
- Free As A Turd Bob Rivers
- Foreigners Bob Rivers
- When A Man Loves A Chicken Bob Rivers
- Buttcracker Suite Bob Rivers
- Who Put The Stump Bob Rivers
- I Am Santa Claus Bob Rivers
- Grahbe Yahbalz Bob Rivers
- Wreck The Malls Bob Rivers
- OJ`s Trial Thing Bob Rivers
- The Twelve Pains Of Christmas Bob Rivers
- Beat Up Old Jetliner Bob Rivers
- O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads Bob Rivers
- The Twisted Chipmunk Song Bob Rivers
- Bowel Moves Bob Rivers
- Getting Fatter All The Time Bob Rivers
- O Little Town Of Bethlehem Bob Rivers
- Spinning Reel Bob Rivers
- There`s A Santa Who Looks A Lot Like Elvis Bob Rivers
- Jingle Hells Bells Bob Rivers
- Carol Of The Bartenders Bob Rivers
- Homeless On the Holidays Bob Rivers
- Wrong Foot Amputated Bob Rivers
- Read It In The Tabloids Bob Rivers
- I`m A Weight Watcher Bob Rivers
- He`s So Jolly Bob Rivers
- Christmas Party Song Bob Rivers
- Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire Bob Rivers
- I Came Upon A Roadkill Deer Bob Rivers
- The Chimney Song Bob Rivers
- There`s Another Santa Claus Bob Rivers
- I Used To Rock And Roll All Night Bob Rivers
- Joy To The World Bob Rivers
- Decorations Bob Rivers
- How It Feels (To Be Old) Bob Rivers
- It`s The Most Fattening Time Of The Year Bob Rivers
- A Letter To Santa Bob Rivers
- Middle Age Waistline Bob Rivers
- We Wish You Weren`t Living With Us Bob Rivers
- Mr. Magoo Bob Rivers
- Minimum Wage Bob Rivers
- Flu Ride Bob Rivers
- Officer Fuhrman Bob Rivers
- Walkin` `Round In Women`s Underwear Bob Rivers
- All You Need Is Elves Bob Rivers
- The Angel Bob Rivers