Weird Al Yankovic - Amish Paradise

As I walk through the valley
where I harvest my grain
I take look at my wife and
realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for
an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy
things like electricty

At 4:30 in the morning I'm milking cows,
Jebediah feeds the chickens
and Jacob plows...fool!
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone.

I'm a man of the land I'm into discipline
Got my Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin.
But if I finish all my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699.

We've been spending most our lives
living in an Amish Paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
living in an Amish Paradise

It's hard work and sacrifice
living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
living in an Amish Paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek,
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'cause I'll be laughing my head off
when he's burning in Hell.

But I ain't never punched a
tourist even if he deserved it,
An Amish with a 'tude
you know that's unheard of.
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree
I really look good in black...fool!

If you come to visit
you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the
phone bill in 300 years.
But we ain't really quaint so
please don't point and stare,
We're just technologically impaired.

There's no phones no lights
no motor cars not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
we're as primitive as can be.

We've been spending most our lives
living in an Amish Paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
living in an Amish Paradise

There's no time for sin and vice
living in an Amish Paradise.
We don't fight we all play nice
living in an Amish Paradise.

Hitchin' up the buggy,
churnin' lots of butter,
raise a barn on Monday,
Soon I'll raise another.

Think you're really righteous,
think you're pure in heart
Well I know I'm a million times
as humble as thou art.

I'm the pious guy the little
Amlets wanna be like
On my knees day and night
scorin' points for the afterlife.
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
or else my brother
I might have to get
medieval on your heinie

We've been spending most our lives
living in an Amish Paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
living in an Amish Paradise

There's no cops or traffic lights
living in an Amish Paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
living in an Amish Paradise -