Sacha Baron Cohen, Helena Bonham Carter, Les Miserables Cast - Master Of The House

My band of soaks
my den of dissolute's
My dirty jokes my always
pissed as newts
My sons of whores
spend there lives in my inn
Homing pigeons homing in
They fly through my doors
And their crown out
on the floor
Welcome Monsieur
sit yourself down
And meet the best
innkeeper in town
As for the rest
all of 'em crooks
Rooking their guests
and crooking the books
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be
Master of the house
doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake
and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale
makes a little stir
Customers appreciate
a bon viveur
Glad to do a friend a favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price
Master of the house
keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em
of a sou or two
Watering the wine
making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick knacks
when they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus Won't I bleed 'em in the end
Master of the house
quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby
to pass him by
Servant to the poor
butler to the great
Comforter philosopher
and lifelong mate
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone
But lock up your valises
Jesus Won't I skin
you to the bone
Food beyond compare
Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer and
pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages
with this and that
Residents are more
than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges
Plus some little extras
on the side
Charge 'em for the lice extra
for the mice
Two percent for looking
in the mirror twice
Here a little slice
there a little cut
Three percent for sleeping
with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There are a lot of tricks he knows
How it all increases
all them bits and pieces
Jesus It's amazing how it grows
I used to dream that
I would meet a prince
But God Almighty
have you seen
what's happened since
Master of the house
Isn't worth me spit
Comforter philosopher
and lifelong shit
Cunning little brain
regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
but there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature
landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted
living with this bastard
in the house
Master of the house
Master and a half
Comforter philosopher
Ah don't make me laugh
Servant to the poor
butler to the great
Hypocrite and
toady and inebriate
Everybody bless the landlord
Everybody bless his spouse
Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up the master's arse
Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up the master's arse